Heart to ‘heart’… (2/2)

The Last call…

मेरी हर सुबह तुम्हरी याद से होती है,
बस, कुछ मुस्कान से होती है, तो कुछ आंसू से होती है।
(Every day my day starts with your memories,
Some are with the smile,
And some are with tears…)

Regardless my all try, I’m still not able to sleep, anytime, and anywhere I could sleep except in the darkness because they are filled by her dreams.

  Deep lost in her dream one of the evenings when I got up ~ as if someone is calling my name. Certainly, a familiar voice ‘Adi‘…my phone was lighting with some text and very soon the call.

Yes!! Call by her. Before I can make up myself, or draw all the courage to answer, my quivering hands picked up the call. Why I’m shaking? No, I’m not a drug addict but once I had her addiction and this time it was called by her. With her voice, I was on the seventh sky, my prayers were accepted, my heart started dancing and my soul started crying in deep love.
And the voice on the other side says ‘Adi’!!

Once when you’re really close to someone then days of separation doesn’t affect much, you feel the same closeness after many days and this time it was six months, three weeks and five days.
‘How she is’ was the question of my life and death at that particular movement but hiding all my trepidation I asked her quietly ‘is everything fine?’
Poof!! Bombarded with many quires, many questions, many emotions in just a few minutes and like old days I made comeback, laughing and enjoying the company of best the person I had.

‘Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced.’ And for the first time, I was experiencing something which any word is not appropriate to explain. But one thing is sure all the loneliness, fear, vanished in the sense of oneness. I met with my own soul. Like an ocean, I opened myself completely in front of her and like rain in the ocean she was making me sweat. Her words, her voice started dancing in my heart again…the unsung song of my heart finally got his perfect tune back.


But, ‘Love is an illusion I recall’ and very soon she asked me to move on!! To forget and live happily this is her last call because she ‘moved on’.

हम एक दूसरे की खामोशी समझते थे ना,
फिर कैसे एक दूसरे के शब्दों को भी नहीं समझ पाए?
कभी इशारों को भी समझते थे ना,
फिर कैसे एक दूसरे की आवाज भी नहीं सुन पाए?
ना इतना दर्द होता-
ना इतनी दूरियां होती;
हम तो कभी एक दूसरे की आंखों को समझे थे ना,
फिर कैसे आज आंसू को भी नहीं देख पाए?

Blankness, Where I do not understand anything nor I can make you all understand. I requested, made my all try again but sometimes you do not have any control over the situation, this is what she explained. And I requested her never to call me again what so ever happens. Do not come in my dreams again, do not make me feel her presence again, let me be, be with the pain…
I woke up- and now I doubt she was real or just a dream?

But, You Forget!!

I kept waiting, but you forget..
I kept caring, but you forget..
I kept worrying, but you forget..
I kept smiling, but you forget..
I thought someday I forget you too…
But I kept remembering and you forget..!!

Heart to ‘heart’… (1/2)

Would you recognize me, years later-
If we crossed paths again?

If My eyes don’t search for yours,
In a crowded space?
If My hands don’t tremble,
When you look at me.
If my breath doesn’t follow yours,
If my heart doesn’t follow your rhythm,
If I tell you that-
I finally learned how to smile even in all pain.

Would you recognize me even later,
If we crossed path again.

And by this time
I would not need you –
To hold my hand out,
Cuz I learned how to find my way
Would you recognize me?

Would you recognize me even later,
If we crossed path again.

कभी-कभी शब्द कम पड़ जाते हैं समझाने के लिए कि दिल में क्या चल रहा है, जो शायद अब मैं तुम्हें कभी नहीं समझा पाऊंगा ।

थोड़ा सा दुखी हूँ गुस्से में भी हूँ, गुस्सा तुम से भी है और खुद से भी है- पर थामा हुआ है खुद को क्योंकि आखरी बार तुमने मुझसे यही मांगा था । पर यह सब बात आँसू कहाँ समझते हैं । शायद हम दोनों गलत थे कि हम एक दूसरे को समझने लगे हैं आखिर सड़े-तीन साल काफी होते हैं भ्रम देने के लिए और हमें भी प्यार का भ्रम हो गया। सायद में प्यार को समझा ही नहीं और ना ही आज समझता हूँ- जिसे देखो उसने अपने हिसाब से प्यार को मोड़ रखा है। मैं जानता हूं तुमने बहुत कोशिश की मुझे समझने की मेरी बात मानने की आखिर तुम्हारे लिए भी आसान ना था यू रास्ता बदल देना पर सच तो यह है कि ना तुम्हारे पास कोई और रास्ता था ना मेरे पास अब कोई और रास्ता है।

कहाँ से चालू करू वहाँ से जब हम इंग्लिश क्लास में मिले थे या वहाँ से जब पहली बार मैंने तुम्हारे लिए एक कविता लिखी थी, या वहाँ से जब तुम पागलों की तरह मेरा बर्थडे सेलिब्रेट करना चाहती थी और जो-जो समझ आया सब कुछ ले आई थी मेरे लिए..

कहीं से भी करो शायद अब फर्क नहीं पड़ता है यह जो भी पल था अब बीत गया है, मुस्कुराहट और आंसू अब दोनों ही है इन पालो के साथ है।

यादों को छोड़ना या भुला पाना बहुत मुश्किल है मैं जानता हूँ, तुम्हें भी सब याद होगा मुझसे ज्यादा अच्छे से याद होगा क्योंकि भूलने की आदत तो मुझे है फिर भी आज ना जाने क्यों मैं तुम्हें नहीं भूल पा रहा हूँ।

दो बातों से में आज भी काफी परेशान हूं,
पहली : मैं तुम्हें नहीं समझ पाया तुम कहते रहे पर में नहीं सुना।
दूसरी : तुमने मेरा हाथ छोड़ दिया- काश तुम मुझे थोड़ा डांट देते, मिलके थोड़ा इस बार ज्यादा लड़ लेते, या मेरी शिकायत कर देते किसी से पर तुम पर तुम छोड़ कर तो नहीं जाते ना।

आठ महीने लगे थे हमें एक दूसरे की हाँ में हाँ मिलाने के लिए क्योंकि मुझे डर था शायद मैं कोई गलती ना कर दू, मुझे डर था आज जो हुआ है उसके होने का, पर भरोसा तुम पर शायद खुद से भी ज्यादा था की तुम हो तो सब सम्हाल लोगे, पर अब मैं खुद ही टूट गया हूँ। इतने टुकड़ों में बट गया हूँ  की चाह कर भी खुद को नहीं समेट पा रहा हूँ, मुझे तुम्हारी जरुआत है पर अब सायद ये कहने के लिए देर हो गयी है।

कभी खुदा ने चाहा और हम कभी मिले तो इस बार मैं तुमसे माफी नहीं मानूंगा हाँ इतना जरूर पूछूंगा क्या मैं तुम्हें आज भी याद हूँ?

Made Me Cried

I shouted, I doubted…
I made my all try,
Words are only understood by her,
And I explained her with a smile 🙂
I spoke with the loudness of silence…
But all the silence unheard;
This took me to deep emotion..
Which made me cried….

#Sometimes you speak maybe you are right too;
but forget about the language in which people whats you to hear.

Move On

Sometimes I wonder how life plays a conundrum with us. A heart to heart relation, which was “Meant To Be, Just five months before turns into ” Never Going To Happen”. People who love you intensely, your kin, friends and even strangers who barely know you, hear the story for the first time and asks you to “Move On”, “Forget and Move On”.

I know they want better things for me; they want to see me happy and going.
However, I simply do not understand the concept of ‘moving on’.
They asked me to dismiss every source of memories with her. I did.
They asked me to stop weeping over it. I did.
They asked me to stop babbling about what has happened. I did.
Now, they all are at peace, so that they can move on.


I know they want best for me. Especially, my family. I understand they do not want me to go to the past again and regret over the things, which have happened. I know they are worried about me but all we can do is nothing.


Sometimes, a relationship ends, not because the two people are not in love anymore, but because situations arisen cannot be altered.

~ The game of Love has all the taste.

Initially, blaming helps. I remember blaming everyone (especially, my own friends. I still do not understand how no one understood me).
I remember blaming her for growing into things, which took her soberness away, and doing things she should not have.

When something like that happens, it shakes you to the very core and leaves you numb. However, as time passes by, even blaming does not help. I know, clearly, I cannot be with a girl who left me what so ever the reason is but she left.

But the question is, what is her fault in all this; she did not choose the fight. But then again, what she did to me and what I said to her is unacceptable. I am not saying she is wrong or I did wrong but the situation made everything happen.

Clearly, this was not meant to be. I know she was in pain and I know that she knows that I am in pain too. But there’s nothing that we both can do. Neither able to call her back nor able to leave her–I am numb, with myself, with her – with our Love. In all this now I am lost, often blame myself for all that happened but, in reality, I even do not why and what I did that all messed up- I have no explanation but things happened.  
hmm, yeah, I want to ‘Move On’ by my mind. Nevertheless, my heart still searches her, and the question still remains what is to move on? And how to ‘Move On’?

Can not believe once she loved me all,
Today started hating.
The person who walked every step with me,
Today started leaving.
The person who once cried in my sadness
Today laughing with all my tears;
I can not believe on my love,
Was my love was so weak?

I look for Your Heart

Whenever I looked in your eyes, I found myself;
A smile with shyness- in that smile, I found myself;
Sometimes with tears and in all fears, I found myself;
In your very breath and dreams, I found myself,
Just being with you, I felt, I found myself.

Gosh!! But now, Planets has changed their position,
Time has taken some new dimension,
Everything started falling apart in this awful complications,
Fear of losing love took us to a new situation.

The facet of love changed to anxiety now,
The path of our Love has been changed now.

Now, I search your eyes, to show our picture in my heart.
I search your smile, to dissolve my heart,
With all tears and fears, I pray with all heart,
In my very breath and dreams, I look for your heart,
In every situation, I dream you in my heart.

Guess What…?

I did many things to make you smile,
Somehow I failed;
Did many things to make your day,
In this too, I failed;
Whatever though, Doesn’t work at all;
Everything failed.?
With new hope, I got up with a smile-
To cheer you again,
To make you laugh again,
To be little more with you,
To be little more like ‘Adi’; -(The name your LOVE gave to me)
Guess what ?
I didn’t fail today

But, I lost.
(The game of Love has all the taste.)